Romeo and Juliet
Dear Romeo and Juliet,
My boyfriend and I have been in a great, healthy, Christ-centered relationship for three months now. Overall, he’s just your average, typical Franny guy. He has led on to this hobby of his that he cares very deeply about and hasn’t shared with me until now. He’s a musician. But not like the normal contemporary Christian musician on this campus, not even secular music. He writes Gregorian chants, and it turns out there’s more of them too! I’ve accidentally discovered a contemporary Gregorian chant underground society, and not only is my boyfriend in it, but he’s the president.
Sophomore Anna Brightly
Okay. I’m gonna try to be merciful here, but I can’t promise you much. No. 1 rule of keeping a relationship: confrontation. Confront him. Tell him, “I hate Gregorian chants. You are weird for writing Gregorian chants. Please be normal.” Hopefully, that will get in his head and convince him to stop. This is even worse than catching someone writing secular music, to be honest. Seriously though, since when was writing Gregorian chant a thing? Last I heard, it ended in like the year 1000. Do you want my honest advice, though? Here it is: run. Run as fast as you can. Never look back because that is the sign of an unstable trad.
Dear Romeo and Juliet,
Another day, another engaged couple. The last of my buddies finally got the ring by spring. I didn’t think this would happen; college isn’t supposed to be like this. What happened to going to parties and running away from the Jeffies? Nobody warned me about this. The worst part is that I have no gym bros anymore. Everyone is too occupied with their fiancées and whatever. Who do I work out with now? Who’s gonna spot me when I deadlift? Why is ring by spring a thing?
Senior Kyle Harris
Yay! How exciting for all of them! Stop being such a Debbie Downer and forget about your dumbbells and weightlifting friends; you should be rejoicing in such a season of love! However, I do understand how upsetting this can be. Did you ever think that your struggle could be because you spend too much time in the gym and not enough searching for a romantic partner? Maybe approach some women at the gym. Get a girl gym partner! I know women absolutely love when strange, mysterious men approach them. Maybe one of the girls at that gym is your soulmate! Find yourself a gym girl and have all your adventures with her. Your first date can even be running from Jeffies! Of course, if you are able to find a girl soon, it would be better to propose sooner rather than later so both of you can stop feeling left out. Soon, you’ll be just like all your other gym friends, and then maybe all of you can deadlift together again.
I hope to be getting a save the date soon,
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