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Joshua Judges Ruth

Joshua Judges Ruth: Man ostracized for being apathetic about LOTR

2022-04-29
By: Anonymous
On: April 29, 2022

Anonymous Satire On the cusp of graduating, a man lost his entire friend group after a slip of the tongue revealed his lack of strong feelings for J.R.R. Tolkien’s “TheContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: Security uncovers plot to forcibly baptize Jordan Peterson

2022-04-01
By: Anonymous
On: April 1, 2022

Anonymous Satire Students were shocked this week to see Franciscan University Student Government (FUSG) president Alex McKenna being led out of the J.C. Williams Center in handcuffs by members ofContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: Chapel ministries introduces new Lenten FOP

2022-03-11
By: Anonymous
On: March 11, 2022

Anonymous Satire In a continued effort to represent the different sects within the Catholic Church, chapel ministries has announced that this month they will be organizing a newly-structured Festival ofContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: Pacifist students establish anti-dispute ‘Caritas Society’

2022-02-25
By: Troub Admin
On: February 25, 2022

Anonymous Satire Rising levels of frustration with pretentious pseudo-intellectual factions have driven a group of Franciscan students to create “The Caritas Society,” a guild which aims to bring the lightContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: New year, same me

2022-02-11
By: Troub Admin
On: February 11, 2022

Anonymous Satire I would warn anyone who is attempting to advance in the spiritual life to avoid making New Years’ resolutions. I’m telling you this for your own safety. HaveContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: Obligatory satirical dating column

2021-11-29
By: Anonymous
On: November 29, 2021

Anonymous Satire People really like to complain about the dating culture here as if it’s a uniquely Franciscan problem. This whole discussion about what it means to be standoffish isContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: This is not about the Veritas Society

2021-11-12
By: Anonymous
On: November 12, 2021

Anonymous Satire I feel that the flared-jean Frannies deserve a break from my flaming pen this week, so I’ve undertaken to create a comprehensive portrait of a more comedically neglectedContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: Franciscan University launches original fashion line

2021-10-29
By: Anonymous
On: October 29, 2021

Anonymous Satire In a fresh and exciting attempt to accrue funds for the mysterious, weeks-long construction project that is causing mild cardiac distress in anyone who owns an on-campus vehicle,Continue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: Student excommunicated for heresy during charismatic prayer

2021-10-15
By: Anonymous
On: October 15, 2021

Anonymous Satire In a document released this Thursday, Pope Francis declared that a Franciscan student had incurred excommunication “latae sententiae” for “gently heretical statements” made during spontaneous prayer with herContinue Reading

Joshua Judges Ruth: Current events give me hives

2021-10-01
By: Troub Admin
On: October 1, 2021

Anonymous Satire I don’t know how it happened, but every morning I wake up to Apple News roundhouse kicking me in the teeth. I never asked to be added ontoContinue Reading

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