Anonymous Satire Diners in the cafeteria this past Friday were interrupted by a piercing banshee cry of sorrow from sophomore Marciana McDermott as the very fabric of her romantic situationContinue Reading
Anonymous Satire In light of this year’s train of unsettling disasters, the Rev. Dave Pivonka, TOR, called for a campus-wide “Parousia Drill,” intending to prepare the student body for theContinue Reading
Anonymous Dear Living Reader, Due to overcrowding, we members of the Purgatory Administration Council put out a call earlier this year to find temporary earthly housing for some of theContinue Reading
Satire Anonymous A controversial new exegetical study released this week aims to prove that Jesus Christ identified with the “Cottagecore” aesthetic, a fashion and lifestyle subgenre that has recently launchedContinue Reading
Anonymous Editor’s note: We have foregone our usual print of the News, in favor of presenting to you this guest column, left on the desks of the Troubadour with instructionsContinue Reading
Anonymous In a monumental turn of events, a student at Franciscan University of Steubenville has beaten the entire scientific community to finding a cure for the novel coronavirus. TheContinue Reading
Anonymous Students debate modesty of tight-fitting face masks Proving once and for all that controversy rests for no global crisis, Franciscan University of Steubenville students took to Facebook this ThursdayContinue Reading
AN OBSERVANT SOCIALITE A group of freshmen in St. Elizabeth Hall are devastated this week after their friend with a car politely refused to give them a ride to Walmart, sayingContinue Reading
AN OBSERVANT SOCIALITE It began with the propaganda. The small paper signs depicting masculine, bearded faces appeared on the walls of the J.C. Williams Center, boldly announcing an upcoming weekContinue Reading
ANONYMOUS AN OBSERVANT SOCIALITE After nearly a month of break, students are expressing their joy as they return to an environment unclouded by the stain of moral depravity. “Four weeksContinue Reading
